In the Midst of Reality....

Ability to Heal

2011-03-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

Her strength is her ability to heal -graciously

Her strength is her ability to love - profoundly

Her strength is her ability to grow - Upward
Sprouting encouraging words to sooth her soul; aid her aches
Taking her frustration and turning it into a shelter of -hope-

Her strength is within her beauty
Truly understanding herself
And respecting her ability to -thrive-
She seeks
Not to be found but to live
In retrospect to her surroundings
She wants to smile
To daydream about the day ahead and night dream about her goals to come
Planting her base at the wake of her day
Encouraging herself to flourish

Her strength is everything to her
A chance of over coming
...A chance to be whole again

Mind&Soul

2011-03-07T03:01:00.001-08:00

I want to free my mind
carry my soul to a place of understanding
withstanding the hurdles that are tossed my way
I want to find my footing in order to find my path
and begin my journey...Peace
a resolve to my internal struggles
I'm fighting for dominion over my emotions
my thoughts
my worries
I want to walk by faith and stand alongside Strength
dismiss all negative casualties and thrive
Be reminded of my accomplishments and rewarded for my dedication
I want to free my mind
without loosing my soul

U vs. 'World'

2011-01-25T13:11:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like its 'you' against the 'world'?
Every grain of once known truth is nothing more than part of a bigger equation
Its either a win win situation or an all lost...
I'm in need of some powerful meditation
Visually stimulating the mind and physically empowering my body
I want to see all
Conquer all
I'm not talking about moving mountains
More like maintaining balance
Stability

Moving the puzzle pieces in my life to coincide with mishaps of society
So maybe then I will be able to cope
I'm emotionally drained

Barricaded by thoughts, words and feelings
In which I know aren't always mine
But they seem to find a way in

As I look for a way out

I haven't been able to write for months
And when I get inspired..
The 'world' seems to take it back...
as though it were never mine
Never meant to be placed in MY hands
Never meant to be MY shine

Where do I go from here?

Growth

2010-05-06T13:47:00.000-07:00

Through degrees of the heart we calculate our wants and needs to the best of our abilities. To love..to be loved...to desire... to crave...these different levels of degrees can be translated through us in many ways. The amount that I have for you goes beyond recognition..when I write.. I pour my soul into each word so that you can feel them as they pass over your lips...When I speak...I speak with much spirit...so that you can feel the truth behind each word...when I touch you... I hope to leave behind a trail of me..so when I'm not with you...you can still feel my softness...my tenderness... my ease...like how when your upset I lay quiet kisses on your cheeks..when your happy...I screw up my face..and make a funny...in order to keep you smiling...I want to inspire you...to open your eyes to your full potential and exploit the fact of how wonderful you are....despite your downfalls...and stupid mistakes... I want to drown in your arms and only come up for air when I know your there to...revive me...I want to to love you...I want to wake up to you... I want to get into petty arguments..to show that we care...only to make up with Lauryn playing in the background...spitting truth through the speakers and into our ears...calling us to listen...to learn... and to appreciate...generate constant heat between us... to create a balance of impurity..magnifying our feelings for one another...distinguishing us from the others...placing you and I...as one..my King...as I am your Empress. Blessed. rejuvenated. inclined to become more...to become more of ourselves... and to become more than what others expect of us..to prove to ourselves..that this...this right here...is Real

My Truth

2009-11-12T08:09:00.000-08:00

My truth has been blinded/ not by me/ but by this/ fucked up/ society/ that leaves people/wishing/ hoping/ dreaming/ but never really/ achieving/ much/ everything isn't all glamor/ sugar and spice/ prettied up to/ confuse our/our fragile minds/ I refuse to be held down/ for a split second/ I refuse to finish/ the race/ last/ but not least/ I refuse to bow/ my head to/ ignorance/ the very thing that seems to/ corrupt the streets/ in between our sheets/ bloodshot eyes/ staring back at me/ crying/ asking why/ why me/ I'm left without an answer/ I feel useless/ cause with these two hands/ I can do no more/ than that man down the street/ whose trying to work hard/ provide/ and put food on his table for his/ family/ ties/ are weak/ these days we see/ babies having babies/ mothers killing child/ and neighbors turning/ their cheek/ how can we sleep/ at night/ knowing/ that another one dies/ by means of violence/ or simply/ stress/ taking the life of/ ourselves/ while/ demanding less and less/ from our children/ my truth/ lies beneath my tears/ my truth/ leaves me bear/ naked/ cold and confuse/ and at times/ i feel/ no better than those who turn the other cheek/and allow/ innocence to die/ brutally/

Speak

2009-10-28T08:07:00.000-07:00

I turn the music up/ to drown out all these foolish thoughts/ backlashing on what was/ instead of/ reaching/ preparing for what is/ whats to come/ who knows/ but/ imma let these feeling/ flo/ steady/ rock steady/ tuning in with Bob and Marley/ yea...Bob Marley/ to help me../ Get up, Stand up/ but standing still/ is not an option/ I'm willing to chance/ so/ much/ to try/ with/ you/ but theres still a few/ things/ i would like to get off my chest/ I'm not simplicity at its best/ i don't plan to subdue your mind/ but i do want to/ take and make you mine/ all over again/ breath into you/ what you/ achieved to awaken in me/ compassion/ long over due/ or is it even present/ I'm not greed/ don't think of me as the Grinch/ who/ stole Christmas/ if anything/ I want to give you Christmas/ plus all the other holidays/ to prove true/ your worth it/ I'm still standing still/ and thats just not me/ not into/ celebrating a false impression/ of a false dream/ with false promises of false hope/ we are better than that/ you and I/ but I'v come to face/ that/ at the end of the day/ the music is still up/ and/ still drowning out all the foolish thoughts/ Bob's still in the background/ singing/ Get up, Stand up/ and I'm screaming/ I ain't ready to stand up/ and/ stand still/ cause weakness is a drug/ that aims to make one break/ suffocate/

Dear Friend

2009-10-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

Friend/ I want to be your friend/ your best friend/ your close friend/ your girlfriend/ someone who would stay up odd hours of the night/ talking about nothing/ everything/ possibly/ that true friend/ you need/ with no hesitation/ i fall at your knees/ no...nothing sexual/ but I am ready to please/ you/ awake something within me/ and we seemed so good/ together/ at least to me/ two pots in a peas.../ oops ma bad/ i meant/ two peas in a pot/ there I go again/ twisting my saying/ and there you are/ ready to correct/ me/ knowing that thats my habit.../ heyyyy friend/ lets talk/ one on one/ you and I/ confession/ as it always seems to be/ the case/ I look to you/ not up/ but to/ not as a role model/ but someone who has the ability to model the role most guys cant seem to hold/ your different ;)/ am i speaking too highly of you?/ if thats the case/ i apologize/ let me back track/ this is still all to raw for me/ to handle/ but..I'm handling/ same goes for you/ your handling/ just know/ I'm still that true friend/ with hopes of becoming that friend

Session 1

2009-10-24T07:59:00.000-07:00

The sound of the rain against my window reminds me of our lovemaking/ sweet and sensual/ a rush of adrenaline/ music to my ears/pit-patt pitt-pat/tune your station in/turn the dial and hear the synchronization of our movement/melodies to sing along with the drops/of/rain/against/my tender breast/aroused/ drizzle..pop/ groans and moans/as you move your hands down my back/YES...thats my sensual spot/ Mahogany brown, my skin/can't resist your ebony touch/ drown me in your sea of tenderness/stubbornness/ call it what you want/ but allow me to get lost in our victory/ sex/ if thats what I can call it/catch up on our past times/indulge in every new crook and cranny that we can find/ touch me deep/but be gentle/ cause these bones fall weak/ from satisfaction/ ...the jurisdiction is in/ I'm guilty of/ loving you/ so cum/release your praises into my heavenly bowl/ sexual revolution/instant reminder/ and still/ as the love making cease/the rain pit pats on my window/drops of/sweat shivering down my spine/ I feel another one coming on..../ pit pat/ pit pat/ against my window/as we end our one on one/ session/ of lovemakin'

Lips Locked and Ready

2009-04-01T13:45:00.000-07:00

Imagine our lips locked
together in a melody of deep passion
conversing about the affection shared
between us...you and me
him and I...can't explain in words how
those lips make me tick..tock
slowly the hands creep around the circle
minute after minute of deep..penetrating...consum

ing
lips locked
two mysterious minds...wait...take a deep breath
and back at it again
fingers trembling
knees knocking
heart-beat racing...there's no finish line
I can sit here all day and kiss those lips
and create these words that goes without fail
imagine.....close those eyes and
think, think back
yea right there.... now catch those waves and ride it
what was then has become now
and we sit face to face
feeling those vibrations that ripples between us
taking us a note higher each time I
tease those lips with my silent seduction
resisting to unlock

1.15.09

2009-01-15T17:46:00.000-08:00

My mind is twisting around this concept
pure frustration of what is...and what could be
trying to break away from what I need and don't need
This confusion is stealing my confidence
nagging at this invisible cord that holds me together
I break...
stumbling in the "inbetween"
of whats real and whats not
giving up whats mine for something that you want
Loudly knocking on the doors of my conscious
stripping me of the pride I have
Hold my head up high?
Nah, you've broken my spine
so now I hold my head down and cry
those dry tears
I cry but feel no pain
I shake with no gains
talk about self control
I first have to have a self in order to control

Destitution

2008-12-08T16:39:00.000-08:00

Destitution
wanting but lacking
better judgment refusing to escape from my lips
hesitant..to breathe...to speak...to be
placed in a corner of rejection
the blindfold tightens around my eyes
All i see is darkness..nothing more from a surprise
Is this to be my retribution?
silenced by my own
hated by my own
misunderstood...my words get disregarded
I'm in a fu*ked up position
no longer can I appreciate those things I have to offer
cause when I do....in return
all I do is get burned.....(badly)

what.... am i to do?

Me in a Nut-Shell

2008-10-08T10:51:00.000-07:00

My thoughts are private

a gateway to my reality

I assume a position

where I am my own enemy

as well as my own best friend

I get lost in a deep conversation

I naw at my own faults

I choke on my own fears

I cry during my sad moments

I sulk at my disobedience

I laugh at my own jokes

My hope.....it sometimes fade

resisting the pull of acceptance

it is what it is...NO IT'S NOT

it is what I make it to be

I am weak

I am strong

I am HUMAN

I may be right

but as well as be wrong

I fear not being..me

Stuck in a bubble of thoughts

my hope continuing to fade

until its no more

Redemption

2008-09-27T16:53:00.000-07:00

If there was ever a chance where I could redeem myself
from facing the world with such negativity
I would
But this world is harsh
waiting for no one
standing still
bearing no fruits
in which we can taste it juices
to bring forth knowledge
in order to make things right
without having to think about redemption
this world is cruel
It allows our hopes to die..little by little
without us realizing it
until we are all sucked dry
dry of everything we all once stood for

Self Realization

2008-09-18T14:04:00.000-07:00

I open my eyes like a newborn
coming into the world of new sights and sounds

I am this infant who is curious to learn
but don't know how to go about it
So I sit and wait for it to all come to me
But I must not do this
this is not the way to pursue this life I was granted

I am this infant
who's in the process of learning the steps of life
about to begin with the first word,
the first attempt to stand on my own
The first attempt to "step"
Getting in the process to Run

Run with these new exciting tastes, smells, ideas
Visions of who I am and who I can become

I am no longer "new" to it
but all the same I'm still in that process
Learning, taking it in, and using it
to deliver an impeccable outcome

I'm ready for the world
Never mind
I'm not ready, but I am willing

What She Means

2008-09-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

This person stands for what she believes in
strong; confident;
beautiful and true
devoted and compassionate
if there were words to exactly describe who she is
then I will gladly deliver it
headstrong in her convictions
an epiphany to what's in an ideal women
This may not be how YOU feel
but this person reminds me that life is worth its weight
its worth the ups and downs
the never ending roller coaster rides
and the bends that take you to the unexpected spots
I applause this person
for what she contributes
I love this person for who she is
and if she wasn't my sister
then I would pray to the almighty for some one like her!

In Photo: My Sister and nephew

Stranger Within

2008-08-04T16:14:00.000-07:00

Cold; dishearten
Nothing much but a thought
You sit; quietly
As though waiting for your final breath; your final chance
To prove who you really are
But nothing seems right
For at that moment you doubt yourself
Wondering who or what you have become
A monster
An image of truth
Or lies
Another figment of your imagination
Silently you sit; trying to figure out this stranger in the mirror

Release Me

2008-08-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

Unshackle me from this chain that’s latched onto me
As though I am a vicious dog
But truth be told, I’m just a shattered soul
Buried deep beneath
Waiting to be resurrected
Waiting to once again breathe
But you took that chance away from me
When you striped my mind of all hope and desires
Only to full it with want and tainted images
Destroying all I had left to hold onto
Misery enjoys my company
Pain feeds off of my bitter thoughts
Just release me
Set me free
And on my way

Dear Unknown

2008-06-05T23:09:00.000-07:00

I come with silent prayers
That you learn to accept
Who I am, where I come from and what I stand for
Simply don't spit those words out your mouth to please me
Use those words to nourish my body, mind and soul
Feed me with your tender thoughts, soft touches
And the warmth of your heart
I can sense when you try to lay out false promises, cold dreams, and distant thoughts
I deserve better than that
I deserve love
Respect
Honor
I deserve only the best
But don't worry I know that I have to be willing to return the favor
Just as I deserve the treatment of royalty
So do you…
You shall have the title of my king
I shall shower you with gifts given from the heart
You deserve my love, my unearthly rich love
Hand in hand we shall live out the better half
And become entangled with the stars above
And shine
Converse with the gods and drink heavenly wine
Celebrating our union
Union of love
Honor
Devotion
And respect
Let's take this moment to engrave our love into the skies
And listen as the clouds whisper among them selves
The sun brings forth its rays to nourish us
And at night
The stars spell out our future
The moon sings us a lullaby of happiness
We have captured the power of the earth
We have sung and danced in the skies
We have lived our story
We shall now leave our legacy

U's

2008-06-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

Unbroken; unsure; unsettling
You take over my days, my nights, and my in-betweens
You ransack my personal space
Not hesitating to leave your signature
Letting me know that you have arrived
Got what you wanted
…and made your exit
Leaving me more broken then before
More unsure
And that unsettling feeling has made itself at home

Feelings Part 1

2008-06-04T01:43:00.000-07:00

Mixed up, confused and feeling blue
tormented by what I want but can't have
must I be a victim to myself
hidden away from my own feelings
refusing to be hurt
again
refusing to die the same painful death
over and over
even if by different hands
I dream for so much more
but what happens to these dreams?
just simply more wishful thinking
they are dreams after all

Can't Define

2008-05-24T20:54:00.000-07:00

There's this thing, this feeling that's bottled up inside
indescribable
unthinkable
its eating me alive
I turn to lessen the pain but it follows
I stand still; it stays the same
never getting better
never getting worse
kind of like a tease
simply there to torture
and keep me wanting…wanting it to either happen or go away
I go throughout the day feeling unsure
feeling less than certain that things will change
Am I playing at this game of life the wrong way?
should I shift my gaze the other way
in search of a new opening?
Patience is a virtue
but mine is dwindling
because every time I get lifted
I'm dropped back in the same dark truth
reality? What is it exactly? Should I prefer to live in a land of make believe
My own private Narnia
where I am king, queen, and the wicked witch
Could I play these three parts better? maybe I should close my eyes and wish real hard
and wake up
in…………I don't even know
just anywhere but where I am now
I'm tired of walking in my own shoe
going in circles tracing the imprints and falling in the same traps again
I need someone to revive me
help me to not take the fallen route
help me to stay lifted
help to lessen the pain
or possibly…take it away

Mind Games

2008-05-19T20:27:00.001-07:00

There you go again
Robbing my mind
And twisting my thoughts
Leaving it empty
Without hesitation
you molested me over and over again
Mind fu**ed me
Leaving me shriveled up like a dry grape
A prune

What am I to do now?
Help you shyt out your dreams??
While mine is left to rot
To die
To float in an empty abyss

Am I some rag doll that you can use?
Abuse
And leave on display
Not caring how the fu** it got this way

Do I appeal to your amusement…
Is this what you were hoping for?

Sadly to say, I feel sorry for you

The Message

2008-05-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

I stand before you
With the insecurities the world instilled in me
Closing my eyes refusing to see reality
I brace myself
Head hung low
Alone
Unable
Unwilling
Forgotten about

But wait……

I may not have the words to sweet talk you
But I have the touch to get you lost in my world
A world of incense
Candles
Oil
Sweet smelling bath oils to rub you down in
After a long day of work

I may not have that exquisite beauty you're looking for
But my beauty shines beyond all others
Cause mine is real
No nonsense
Just pure, sensual, heated beauty

So forgive me for not being that girl with all the right curves
In the right places
Hair to her shoulders
An attitude that can get me anything from a man
Excuse me sir but
I have pride!

Here's my letter to you…
Read it…understand it…
And maybe Ill bless you with a part 2

The Message:
I can be beautiful without the beauty
Of those wanna bees
Who must bend low to get what she wants

Breathe In

2008-05-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

Come close
Let me whisper in your ear
Graze my lips across your skin
Take in your scen
Breathe in
Now exhale
Now relax
lay back
without getting physical
I just came to tell you
...I love you

To Whom it May Concern

2008-05-15T17:25:00.000-07:00

To those who are listening
Please help me to see the world in a way
that all suffering and pain has gone away
let me not stray from the path
to find myself six feet under
with no air
no feeling
no hope
just despair

The heart beats
But deaf to the world
It beats without a rhythm
Without a song
Without a chance
Just emptiness

silence
No longer is there infliction in this world
Suffering has died out
And we live
To simply live
If only…
This were true

so
To who ever is listening…
Please save me

Love Defined

2008-05-15T17:14:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to be without love?
to not feel...
to not know...
to not be...
to fade away like a leaf hidden in the sea
or a small pebble in the sand

Love
defined as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another"
seems to have blurred before my eyes
into something that once was
but with a blink of an eye
gone...
as though... it never was

or could it only be " sexual passion or desire"
where I cling on just to get that occasional arousal
maybe it was my drug for those restless nights
just a dose to do me right
...when I think about it though
no... it was much more

It was my moment where I could smile without a care in the world
a look from him would draw me in
like a fish...going for the bait...and then getting trapped
trapped in the goodness of it all
Nothing else mattered
only those moments we shared
meant everything
felt right
to breathe... to blink... to laugh... to love
to be ME
Simply Me

but then......
that love died and is currently
waiting to be reborn again

Forget Words

2008-05-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

Let's take the time to sit and talk
about us about you about me
and all the possibilities that lies in the open
Im not usually one to talk about the future
but you and I
I see more than now
I see pass the present and into the future

Forget words
Lets keep the silence
and speak with our bodies
lay back and relax as I travel to your sensual spot
that place between your shoulder and your ear
taking you on a journey watching you come to your peak
over and over
and over again

Let me explore you, touch you, please you
cum hear me moan
Feel my body silently shake beneath yours
as we make love
Deepen our connection... strengthen our bond
become one

Feel me whisper in your ear
allowing you to feel my breath
lingering on your skin
hot;wet with sweat and traces of my kisses
I can't keep my hands off of you
I cant help but moan with satisfaction
The silence is killing me
Lets just forget words...
and continue with moans

Silent Flame

2008-04-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

Silent flame burning on the inside

refusing to die... at least not yet

tormented by my emotions

my greatest weakness... known to all

Can't conceal my frowns with smiles

because my eyes speaks my story

tells it without my permission

what am I suppose to do

what is it that I can do

to erase the feelings that are eating me alive

swallowing me whole without taking a break to breathe

without giving me the chance to explain

in this flame I witness my downfall

in the flame that silently burns on the inside

I hear my screams to be free

One More Time

2008-04-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

I just want to hear you say "I love you"

like you use to... even if its only one more time

I want you to wink and make me smile

even if its just one more time

You have taken over my dreams

every night I fall asleep waiting to meet you there

the only place I get to see you anymore

you'd cover me with a blanket and sit to watch me sleep

I'd wake up and see you there and feel like I have the world next to me

it was a great feeling

But then I'd wake up and realize that it was all a dream

The thing is I didn't realize how much you really meant to me...

until we weren't together any more

When I think about you.... I cry

and I let the tears fall because its the only time

I get to be free about how I still care about you

During the Storm

2008-04-26T15:22:00.000-07:00

The intensity of it fascinates me

crackling of thunder way beyond our view

I look up to see where it was coming from

but there's not one location

it resides as a whole all around me

lighting flashes filling the sky with such electricity

the beating of the rain on the roof top

the trees sway side to side

going with the rhythm of the storm

Standing on my balcony

it feels as though I am part of the rain

with everywhere and nowhere to go

only to fall...

goal is to water the earth with my tears

silently watching

smelling

feeling

tasting the rain

I stand alone; oblivious

Just when I think its done

CR-ACK CRA-CK

the thunder speaks again

rolling in every direction without a care in the world

This storm is fearless, kind of how I would like to be

come as is pleases and leaves on its own

multiple roars, it echos to be heard

telling us its story

And I listen

I feel it in my heart to bits of my soul

this thunder wants to be known

Just as I do

A flash of lighting just appeared before me

I couldn't help but smile and think

"It's speaking volumes to me"

the one who is taking the time to listen

Minutes pass by

and the storm quietens

the rain slows down

but the thunder still roars

the lightening still flashes

This is the best feeling I have ever felt in a long time!

A single bird soars

another follows

looking for a safe haven

everything else around; still

The sky continues to tell us its story

stopping ever so shortly to make sure we are hearing

to get us to understand its existence

and I listen....

I listen because I too want to be heard

I listen so it tells its full story

and pass by.... leaving us a gift

a rainbow

a sign that at the end of it all

there's..... hope

The sun always shines after the rain!

The other me

2008-04-26T10:55:00.000-07:00

I'm dying to fit in a crowd that speaks to me

helps me to identify who is beneath this brown skin

but no matter how hard I try

I come up blank; lost; confused; helpless

I'm waiting to be defined

to become the other me

Talented both physically and emotionally

bringing what;s inside to the surface

blessing those with my gift of words

my gift to love and share my heart with others

This other me is care free

lives with her wings

aiming for the sky's

not afraid to fly nor stand still

this other me speaks up proud and states her desire

not afraid of failing, falling or stumbling

As long as she gets her voice noticed

But why can't I be that other me?

why must I hide behind the invisible wall

and suffer deep inside?

What am I afraid of?

This other me is me

the brown skin girl

with light brown hair; freckled face

and glasses to help see the world clearer

This other me is 5'1 Petite all the same

blessed with the gift of thought

This other me is just ME

waiting to be let out

waiting to be FREEEEE

Looking for a way out....

2008-04-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

Masked by the worlds brutality

a young girl struggles to be heard

violence spreads around her

she's caught in the cross fire

as a voice lost in the silent crowd

No one to speak for her

tears shadows her sullen face

lonely, looking for a way out

weakened by her thoughts

constantly wondering....

tears fill her stained pillow at night

No role model to inspire her in the times its needed most

She hits puberty and these changes

brings along confusion

the confusion brings shame

the shame brings fear

that fear breaks her world

into a silent war zone

kind of like the one thats going on in her head

but no matter what happens

she's still a voice....

one thats lost in a silent crowd

and still unheard

Sunset

2008-04-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

Lets relax and watch the sunset together

as you hold me in your arms

At the moment the feeling is right
.....just relax and let it unfold
as i whisper in ur ears and kiss ur silent cheek

Dont take away my midnight
its the only time that I can get u near

we lay and watch the stars shine
....they wink at us.......
as though they know our secrets

Lets watch together, u and I
.....just relax...
and take our time
cause nothing lasts forever

I've come to learn that
...I love being by ur side...

I imagine this place..some where deep in my mind
no longer do I feel defeated

But rather like that star......

I SHINE

Been a while....

2008-04-14T19:24:00.001-07:00

Hey! Its been a good minute since I added to this page. But from the last post I did until now I have changed. As time went by I grew as a person who is capable of making mistakes, learning about life's ups and downs and learning how to cope.

This is the end of my third year at PENN STATE! I can't believe it. The closer I get to graduation the harder reality hits me. And trust me its hitting me hard

UPDATE: Loving life as always, Striving to be a better me, Struggling with my insecurities, and Loving the people who are there to help me through.

Everyday its gets hard, everyday I want to break down and cry, nothing wrong with shedding a lil tear, its how we know we are human and we are feeling.

Being strong is tough, I just hope I don't disappoint anyone in the long run.....

♥ La-Jari

Nuff respect

That Good Bluessss

2007-11-29T14:40:00.000-08:00

You ever get the blues? The blues that seem to hang over you like a cloud. Never wanting to leave. Lingers. Till it start driving you crazy. Insane. and Wild. dont know what to do anymore. but. be. Blue.....

Not talking about that sad. down the drain blues... but the BLUUUUES. foot stomping. hands clapping. head nodding. Blues... oh yea the finger snapping/tapping blues..... I've found the blues... and yes. it has fill my soul. I HAVE FOUND THE BLUES... and my soul has been.. put to ease... Cause YES!! I have found. thee. blues...

My body sways with the.sweet melodies. that are being strum from the stings. of the bass guitar. I listen. I sway. and I listen (some more). No need to fill my hunger with food. caussse...this blues got my apitite in check. I have found the blues

Not talking about that sad. down the drain blues... but the BLUUUUES. foot stomping. hands clapping. head nodding. Blues... oh yea the finger snapping/tapping bluesI' have found the Blues

His Respect

2007-10-31T20:15:00.001-07:00

The respect I have for him/ is stronger than the tidal waves that hit’s the coast of Africa/he touches me in every way/ not only physically/but spiritually and emotionally/ and mentally/ I know its too cliché/ but/ he /takes my breath away/ there’s no denying this/ this attraction that I seem to find myself/ in/ with/ him/ he’s my reason/ for/ enjoying those rainy seasons/ where I can/ cuddle/ with him/ and we can/ become/ one/ within/ my sheets/ exploring/ searching for/ our/ future/ to-gether /I can’t hide behind/ the fact/ that/ I/ have/ found/ him/ my/ king/ my other half/ my reason for reasons/ the cause of me getting/ tongue tied over the silliest things/ when/ I’m with him/ around him/ or just thinking/ of him/ I have come to define the meaning/ of/true love/ its when you/ smile/when you hear his name/ even if its not directly his name/ I’m not gonna lie/ I miss him even when he’s with me/and when he’s not/I miss him equally/ I find myself wondering/ wondering what he’s doing/ could he be thinking of me/ at that moment/ in time/ we have developed a friendship/ a bond/ possibly my partner in crime?/ what I do know is that/ he/ is mine/ and he isn’t/ going anywhere/ if/ I/can help it/ for I have/ and I repeat/ I have much respect/ to he/ whom I call MINE

B.B.W

2007-10-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

Im a woman
brought up to show respect
in order to get the respect I deserve
Let not those fakes fool you
into believin'
that you are worth nothin'
the definition of nothin' is lost in the world of
Self-Satisfaction

Radification to myself
That I AM a woman
not just any woman....
Im a BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN
in a society where beauty is worn on the outside
Yet the beauty thats within
gets caught up with the confusion
of trying present the REAL YOU

Too concern to please the pleasure of his eyes
you hide the person who screams to be realized
yelling: "IM HERE AND I WOULD LOVE TO GET F-ING NOTICED!"

Disregarding the fact that the one you want is only the one you think you want..
and the one who you havent noticed yet is the one who holds your heart
and understands what it takes to be a
BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN!!!

A love...

2007-10-29T10:53:00.000-07:00

It aches to think of us as no more
To picture us apart is to deny the fact
That I have fallen for this guy
I have fallen
And the ony one that can pick me up is him
His smile
His voice
His touch
His gaze
Our memories
Our future which has yet to come
But which I hope to build..with him
The sound of that… “our future”
makes me smile and hope
hope for only the best
hope for the him and me
hope for that future of we
hope for those memories to continue
That’s why im going to fight to keep whats mine
A love that’s pure
A love that’s true
and a love that was simply meant to be

In This Mirror

2007-07-08T16:37:00.000-07:00

In the miror I see another me
a simple reflection of what I strive to be
Strong, confident, and appreciative
of the things I have and the things I can achieve
A mind that holds many thoughts
where Im heading and where I've been
time holds true of those things in life
that shakes me, rattels me
and gets me thinking twice

Constant battles of lifes never ending journeys
alley ways, backdoor passages and road side blockings
all the things that can hide away what my heart truely feels
My admiration of the arts..... dance, music and the broadways stage
I dare not to put on any shows only titles that shows who I am...ME
In that same mirror I vision my life years from now
a much more defined reflection will be staring back
Not with all the answers
but with much more dignity'cause only time can tell
only time can heal
and only in time can I embrace the hardships that work to make me stronger

Red

2007-03-28T08:52:00.000-07:00

I will call you Red

the colour of the blood that runs through my viens

when exposed to air

I give you the title RED

for every blood shed throughout all the years

that we struggle to survive

My daughter, Red

So much meaning in such a little person

A difference you have made in this world

A difference made without yet being born

A story waiting to be told

You enter this worldSTRONG AMBITIOUS and BRAVE

you have become flesh

Something we can hold on to and say

"We have produced wonders!"

We have pulled up from the dirt

The rough...brown.. dirt and turn to red

the colour of true freedom

I name you Red because you stand for so much more

than my daughter

You stand for the struggle of equality

The true colour of out heart

The one that beats the drums of forgiveness

I WILL CALL YOU RED!!

Smile

2007-02-21T12:50:00.000-08:00

Hard to explain but I know its all true
the way you feel keeps me in tune
with how I truly feel about you
Too cliche to say it was meant to be
more like we're walking the right path
taking the correct turns and heading in the right direction
laugh nsync with each other
cry when theres no need too but whose to call us on it
all I can say is
I never felt as real with anyone else as I do with you
so smile, cause I'm all yours
and together we can become so much more

Black History Poem

2007-01-08T18:27:00.000-08:00

IT'S PRIDE AND BEAUTY THAT ALLOWS ME TO WALK SO PROUD

FOR I HAVE NO SHAME

I'M WHO I AM

A YOUNG BLACK GIRL

NO NEED TO ASK MY RIGHTEOUS NAME

I WALK TO THE BEAT OF THE AFRICAN DRUMS

MY VEINS ARE PUMPED WITH THE SWEET FLOW OF BLACK BLOOD

I REPRESENT BEAUTY THROUGH THIS NATION

WITH ME THERE'S NO TELLING BECAUSE I'M GODS SPECIAL CREATION

I LIVE FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO

I TALK FOR THOSE WHO NEED A VOICE

AND LEAVE THEM WITH THE CHOICE TO BE WHO THEY ARE

FOR THEM TO REACH FAR FOR THAT SHOOTING STAR

THERE'S DREAMS NEEDED TO BE FULFILL

AND IT WILL BE DONE BY GODS OWN GRACIOUS WILL

BUT ONLY IF WE STAND UP PROUD AND SHOW OUR TRUE COLORS

WILL WE THEN TRULY UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF OUR POWERS......

Thank You God

2007-01-08T18:25:00.000-08:00

History of legends, told by grandmothers

Discrimination and attitudes

Courage and strength

There had been tears of tragedies and horrors

I thank you God for making life better.....
Misunderstanding and difficulty

My people went through Hell

They were burned and hanged without any freedom

Thank you God for making life better....
I thank you for life and freedom

I thank you for giving us justice throughout the world

I thank you for the way it is

Thank you, God

Thank you.

Home I never Knew

2007-01-08T17:48:00.001-08:00

Home I never knew
I beckon and hope that you hear my cries
Here is a shattered soul waiting to return to its rightful place
Here is a daughter waiting to be found
Here I lay in this dying land
Torn apart from those whom I love
There is a longing to return to my birth land
And reclaim what I rightfully lost
I cry myself to sleep at night
Wishing that I would wake and find my body reunited with my soul
The soul which floats over the beautiful island
The island that I love so much and hope to behold
How can I grow in a land where I find no comfort?
How can I breathe in a land where the air is limited?
When there IS a place for me which I can grow healthy
All I ask is to be brought back …..
To the home I never knew

Life

2007-01-08T17:46:00.000-08:00

Disappointment comes and goes
Challenges fall into our hands
We all suffer from things which make us weak
I cry….. I laugh……I feel
I’m human, I’m me
Just as the sea changes
My mood does the same
Up….and….down
But don’t be afraid
It’s who I am
Something you…just…can’t change

Life's Uncertainties

2007-01-08T17:38:00.000-08:00

We all go through existence
With our uncertainties and our worries
Troubles we have faced are no longer undetectable
It’s bare to the naked eye
I wonder how long can one stand so still
Without breaking down to shed a silent tear
Forthright boy, I ask for you to abide with the factors of your problems
I understand pain and by the judge of it so do you
For your young brother lies in the bitter and forlorn ground
How long can you go without a break in your silent cries?
Words spoken by you seem to only be heard by the one standing on the opposite wall
It’s like you are on one planet while I’m on the other
How much longer do I have to wait for you to grasp the special things in your life that need to be said?
How much longer do I have to stand aside and look through this shattered mirror of uncertainty?
You’re a strong boy I have to admit, but how far can that get you?
How long can you hide behind your mask of bravery?
We all have our weak points
We all have to break
But how soon and where at is all up to you
Tough choices are made
And consequences may differ
But don’t hide yourself from the world
In a blanket full of pain
For somewhere along the road
That barrier may break and all could be lost
Its true, life is an obstacle court
You just have to know how to play the right game

Who Could This Be..

2006-12-09T14:34:00.000-08:00

He walks into the room and all things stop
Who could this be?
A boy or an angel
A man or a God
He blinds my vision to the things around me
He lifts my heart to a higher level
He takes me to a place of the great unknown
Who could this be?
He turns my way and the light unfolds
It's him I see, It's him I admire
There's strength and courage in the way he stand
There's confidence and willingness in the way he speaks
Who could this be?
A boy or an angel
A man or a God

Discovery

2006-12-06T15:45:00.001-08:00

The sound was exhilarating
A ringing in the ear
No one could understand
Why she smiled
Delicate with an liberal flow
It filled the room
But this wasn’t just any other sound
It was art
A beauty within itself
Her heart lifted and rejoiced
From the beginning to the end
Never once letting her gaze fall
She recollects her childhood
Full of dreams and promises
She found her passion while
Flipping through the magazines
left behind by those who came to see the city
The headlines draws in her attention
Seven years later, practically an adult
Third row back, tenth seat over
She witnesses her first musical
A year later, her voice sings out
She has lived out her dream
She has become
The art of her admiration

Recovering Heart

2006-12-06T10:28:00.000-08:00

Deep in thought I wonder what he thinks of me // Is he feeling for me the same way I do about him? // The question lingers at the tip of my tounge // the sweet taste of anticipation // I walk in the hope of seeing him // pass him without aknowledging that he too has walked in hope of seeing me //FATE // Is that what they are calling it these days?// Day after day, week after week and the question still goes unaswered // would I ever get the courage to tell him // to let him know what I think about him // Honestly, truth be told // I dont think so // Im too scared of repeating what has happened before // opening my heart and letting him in // then getting crushed into shardes of glass // sweeped up and thrown away // my heart has yet to recover.

Drifting Away

2006-12-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

slowly it feels like im loosing her

and sadly to say i dont know what to do about the matter

I can sit here and just point fingures to myself

but where would that lead?

I wont know unless I ask

but shouldnt she be making a step foward too?

Confused and tired I only sit back and wait

So what if its eating me up on the inside?

just me caring too much when the other party cares too little

ever so slowly, it feels like im loosing her but does she even care?

Still, I feel her drifting away

feels like im loosing her over and over again

I Must Confess....

2006-12-05T15:07:00.000-08:00

I must confess everything
Even if its painful
I was not born into the body of a swan
I was not made to swim in the sea of perfection
Sorry to say, all I have is my individuality
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I'm not strong in the face of danger
I crumble with every step
Neither do I find comfort when alone
I shiver from the silence
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Just as any other human I cringe at the site of pain
But can withstand a needle being stuck in my arm
"make sure you take your vitamins"
That's no problem for me
Sometimes I forget, but at least I take them
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I must confess everything
I like dancing in the middle of the street
Even if there is no music playing
does that make me crazy?
----------------------------------------------------
I like the smell of fresh grass
Cut after a nice spring rain
I like the blooming flowers
That sprout up in the month of May
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I hate the sting of rejection
it leaves a scar, deeper than the blade
But i have learned to get back up
and walk away
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I must confess everything,
Im an old soul waiting to be loved
I am a danzel in distress
But whose out there to rescue me?
-----------------------------------------------------
Last but not least
I must confess that i have fallen in love
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with life

Welcoming

2006-12-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

The names Reka, Im poetic, athletic and artistic. Age 19, I love to play the paino and write on my free time. My goal in life is to simply live it! No regrets only accomplishments. Hopefully I can show my talents within this blog.